A Rapist and a Murderer Walk Into a Bar…

… because they were both found not guilty and free to go about their lives as they please.

There’s no punchline because life is not funny sometimes

I consider myself to be a humor writer, so I’ve found it hard to come up with anything to write over the past couple of weeks.

Bill Cosby got a mistrial. The officer who murdered Philando Castile was found not guilty. A Muslim teenager was murdered for being Muslim. These are just a few of the horrible things that happened this week and were broadcast. The tip of the iceberg.

And I have nothing to write, because it’s not funny. So instead, I ranted on Twitter about the injustices and remained silent on here.

But if I continue to stick to humor, I’m not going to have anything to write for at least the next four years. So here it goes…

At work a couple of days ago, I decided to work outside because it was a beautiful day. There happened to be a group of men having lunch outside, discussing the Cosby trial.

I opened my laptop and tried to ignore their conversation, but of course it was impossible not to listen.

One man said that the women in the Cosby trial were “Lying and trying to get money.”

Ignore it. Ignore it.

Of course, one of the guys told him that he was being “fucking stupid”, because talking about controversial issues quickly turns ugly.

The Cosby believer yelled back and then someone told everyone to be chill out and stop talking about it.

Ignore it. Ignore it.


I opened a doc that I was working on and tried to focus, but within a few minutes my selective hearing caught “Cosby”.

“How do you know he did it? Were you there in the room with Bill Cosby?” the Cosby believer ranted.

“That argument can go both ways. How do you know he didn’t do it? Were you in the room with him?” I thought. I’m great at arguing with people from afar in my head.

“Come on, man. There were 50 some women who said the same thing,” one guy chimed in.

“So, if 50 people say something about you, it’s true?” the Cosby believer responded.

This made me think of a Katt Williams quote that was perfect for this situation. I had to extricate myself from the area as I could feel myself starting to shake with anger, but I couldn’t go without saying something.

“Okay,” I said loudly as I walked over to their table. “In the words of Katt Willaims, ‘if people call you a crackhead for 20 years, you’re smoking crack.’ If 50 women accuse you of raping them, you’re a fucking rapist.”

A few hands went up in solidarity and I walked away.

What I wanted to say was that there were women in our office who were survivors of sexual assault so it was insensitive for him to automatically assume that the rape victims were lying about it. Rape survivors have been accused of all these things and more, like seeking attention, asking for it, calling it rape because they felt guilty for sleeping with someone. The list goes on. Even if you don’t believe the Cosby women, it’s insensitive to other rape survivors to loudly call them liars when you couldn’t possibly know.

Instead, I went with a joke, lifted from a comedian, and then went into the bathroom to cry because this is real life.

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