For a few years now, I’ve starting forming breaking news stories around my death. Maybe it’s due to the lack of gun-control in America or that fact that I have no problem telling people exactly what I think about them to their face, but a lot of the time it ends in me getting shot.
Not always. More recently its been a plane crash or a car accident.
You see, I just moved to NYC, fulfilling a lifelong dream of mine at 30. Naturally, a month before moving I thought about all the ways that I could die. This happens before anything exciting in my life: going off to college, landing an amazing job, moving. I always think, what if my timing is off and I’m finally about to do this thing and then BAM! That “bam” was a bus.
I’m not a big enough deal for my death to make the news, but if I died before a big life event I feel like the news would feed off of the tragedy.
Reporter: And in other news, an Ann Arbor women was run over by a bus today. Witnesses at the scene say that she had headphones in and didn’t even see the bus coming.
Stranger: One minute she was walking, the next she was flying. It was trippy.
Reporter: It was reported that the bus driver tried to stop the bus, but was seconds too late.
My boyfriend: She just hated people and had to have to headphones in all the time to avoid them.
Reporter: The woman was due to move to New York City in just five days to fulfill a lifelong dream. She was pronounced dead on the scene. In other news, the hipsters are in full swing for the Ann Arbor Art Fair…
Yeah, I think I could get a solid 20 seconds of air time.