Eating at Broadway Shows: Can You Fucking Not?

When my friend was in town a couple weeks ago, we went to see 1984 on Broadway. She’d heard about the torture scenes making people faint and throw up, so naturally, she wanted to go see it.

We had decent seats in the back middle area. The play started off pretty jarring. They blind you with bright flashing lights and use loud horn like sound effects. This is done sporadically throughout the play.

When that’s not happening, it’s pretty quiet as it’s just actors on stage talking. It’s in these quiet moments that a woman a couple seats down from me decides to wrestle with the plastic wrapping on her food.

And this food is wrapped tight cause that bitch wrestled with it for half the play.

So instead of the actors’ words, all I hear is this fucking plastic crinkling noise.

“You’re only ” *crinkle* “a rebel” *crinkle* “from” *crinkle* “the waste down”.

Ah!

It was so frustrating. I leaned forward in my seat and stared at her, trying to get her attention. But she ignored me. Maybe she sensed that if she looked my way I would have whispered, “Can you fucking not?”

Once the bag was opened-praise be to God-she decided that she needed more wine to go with her snack. So in place of the crinkling noise was the glug glug of wine going in a glass.

At one point I startled the gentleman in front of me when I said, “I’m going to cut this bitch.”

So yeah, a little over a hundred bucks down the tube because someone decided that they wanted to have a fucking picnic in the middle of a Broadway play.

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