Earlier this week, I was awoken at 1 AM by a loud buzzing sound. My first thought was, “Emergency broadcast. North Korea is bombing!”
I jumped out of bed and looked out the window. It looked normal out. I thought my living room seemed foggy though. So I went to the door and looked out the peephole to see if there was smoke. Nothing.
That’s when I head the elevator moving and realized that the buzz I heard was someone accidentally ringing my apartment buzzer.
A part of me wanted to stay awake and make sure that that’s all it was. The nihilist in me won over and I went back to sleep.
And then Saturday, Hawaiians got an even worse wake up call. The emergency alert system went off. Their phones said that nuclear missiles were coming and to take shelter. When I read that I had flashbacks to my 1 AM wake up call. Not really much of a comparison. Their panic came from an official emergency alert and not a half-asleep, foggy brain.
I bet tons of Hawaiians had wake up calls and are about to lose weight, quit their dead-end jobs, and divorce their toxic partner. Meanwhile, I’m about to start a 30 Rock marathon and go hard on some lasagna.
I’m basically a human version of Garfield.